I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
