I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
