Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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