how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
