Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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