I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
