Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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