I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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