Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
