Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
