Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
