I can't watch pbs sober anymore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
