i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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