It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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