before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
