We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just pee around me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
