Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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