talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
