rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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