Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
