Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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