we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
