last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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