I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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