Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
