Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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