I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
