So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Houston, we have a blender
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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