Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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