I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize