best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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