Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
