I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
