Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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