I puked a lego.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
