I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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