meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Randomize
