Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
