Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
