I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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