Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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