when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
