It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
