Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
