Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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