it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
