I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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