About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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