Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
