i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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