You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
