her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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