Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
