I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
