I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
