I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
