Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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