Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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