one might say we're banned from that church
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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