Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
