worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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